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Well, good morning or midday or afternoon or evening or night! We are continuing to look at all the ways we use our tongue. Not too many people like being corrected or to use the biblical term, rebuked. Proverbs 15:5 says, “A fool rejects his father’s discipline, But he who complies with rebuke is sensible” (NASB). Here is what I do know and have perennially experienced. Not all constructive speech is something we welcome. Rebuke is a good example. We live in an age where it seems most people, if not all people, do not want anyone telling them that something is wrong in their lives. 

When I was growing up, all the mothers parented all the kids. Every mother was expected to discipline any child out of line, no matter whose child it was. And guess what? They did. If I got in trouble at Mrs. Icenhower’s home or Mrs. Prater’s home, I got in trouble at home. My mother was not offended that a mother called her to report my bad or disrespectful attitude or actions. My mother was offended that I had embarrassed her. Then when my father got home, I got it again.

Christian author Gordon MacDonald writes this:

“As a seminarian, I was asked to write and deliver a paper to a special forum of students and faculty. Typical for me, I put off writing the paper until the deadline loomed and then cut two days of classes to complete the assignment. When I had finished reading the paper and the audience had responded with applause and left the auditorium, a professor whose classes I'd dodged in order to write the paper found me and said, "Gordon, that was a good paper, but it lacked the possibility of greatness. Do you want to know why?"

I could hardly say no, and so he continued. "You sacrificed your routine responsibilities to write it," he said. "Your ministry will not be successful if you make this sort of a thing a habit.” You listen carefully to an insight like that when it comes from a man 40 years your senior whom you respect. 

He was less interested in the content of my presentation than he was the character pattern that framed its writing. The paper would soon be forgotten (I can't remember anything about it now), but the work habits it revealed would continue the rest of my life if I didn't alter them. He saw this; I did not. His rebuke caused me to reform my work ethic” (Source: Gordon MacDonald, "The Gift of Rebuke," Leadership journal (Fall 2002, p. 76).

Look at these Proverbs about rebuke and/or reproof:

  • Proverbs 27:5 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love” (ESV).
  • Proverbs 12:1, Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid” (ESV).
  • Proverbs 28:23, “Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue” (ESV).
  • Proverbs 13:1, “A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke” (ESV).
  • Proverbs 25:12, “Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear” (ESV).
  • Proverbs 6:23, “For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life” (ESV).
  • Proverbs 15:10, “There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way; whoever hates reproof will die” (ESV). 

Do you ever feel from all the Proverbs above that God is trying to tell you something? Get the picture? Proverbs 15:10 reminds me of Romans 6:23a, “For the wages of sin is death . .” (ESV). Proverbs 28:23 above is rare. This implies that when someone godly loves your rebukes or reproofs you for a bad attitude or a bad action or a bad approach, it leads to you being a better person in your character. That is the point of Proverbs 15:31-32, “If you listen to correction to improve your life, you  will live among the wise. (32) Those who refuse correction and reproof hate themselves, but those who accept correction and a rebuke gain understanding” (EXB).

Chuck Swindoll writes this about rebuking and reproofing:

“The one who does the rebuking should be someone who loves the person he or she rebukes. A bruise tends to linger long after the wounding; it is not soon forgotten. Friendship should allow freedom to offer constructive criticism. Not all compliments are offered with the right motive” (Source: Charles R. Swindoll, Proverbs: Insights for the Daily Grind (Kindle Edition, pp. 98-99).

That is the point of Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy” (NASB). Here is how the original Hebrew text reads for Proverbs 27:6, “Trustworthy are the bruises caused by the wounding of one who loves you; deceitful is the flattery of one who hates you” (HEB) — (Source: Charles R. Swindoll, Proverbs: Insights for the Daily Grind (Kindle Edition, pp. 98).

I know from personal experience that when it comes to this issue of rebuking and reproofing, most of it has to do with discernment, discretion and divinely inspired motives. Wounds from a friend who loves us is better than kisses from an enemy. Such short-term rebuke can lead to long-term gain, improvement, it can bring glory to God. Let me give you a great example, again from Gordon MacDonald:

“One time, twenty or so years ago, I was in Japan on a speaking tour with a close personal friend. He was a number of years older than I was. As we walked down the street in Yokohama, Japan, the name of a common friend came up, and I said something unkind about that person. It was sarcastic. It was cynical. It was a put-down. My older friend stopped, turned, and faced me until his face was right in front of mine. With deep, slow words he said, "Gordon, a man who says he loves God would not say a thing like that about a friend."

He could have put a knife into my ribs, and the pain would not have been any less. He did what a prophet does. But you know something? There have been ten thousand times in the last twenty years that I have been saved from making a jerk of myself. When I've been tempted to say something unkind about a brother or sister, I hear my friend's voice say, "Gordon, a man who says he loves God would not speak in such a way about a friend."

Prophets do that. They remind us of the truth and where we are falling short. If you avoid prophets—and a lot of people do—you do so at the peril of your spiritual journey. You and I need prophets” (Source: Gordon MacDonald, in the sermon "Feeling As God Feels," Preaching Today audio (#196).

Questions To Consider

  • How open would God say you are to rebuke or a reproof from anyone? 
  • When you read God’s Word and it rebukes an attitude or an action, do you accept it immediately or do you ignore it?
  • Who in your past has given you a rebuke or a reproof and it changed your life for the glory of God? Did you thank them? If not, if they are still living, let them know.
  • Why do you think most people do not want to rebuke someone? When you see sin in another believer’s life who is a friend, do you rebuke them biblically? Why or why not.
  • Do you give a rebuke or a reproof to your friends, colleagues, co-workers, and church members? Why or why not? If you do, how has it gone?
  • Do you live as if you really believe Proverbs 27:6 above? Why or why not?
  • Have you or someone you knew ever refused to listen to a rebuke and paid those wages of sin in a horrible way? If so, what is the lesson for you to learn personally from that person’s own life?

Scripture to Meditate On: Proverbs 27:6, “Trustworthy are the bruises caused by the wounding of one who loves you; deceitful is the flattery of one who hates you” (HEB).

Prayer To Pray: “Dear Jesus, I have to confess. I do not welcome nor want to receive reproofs or rebukes. I get upset, which only reflects my pride and arrogance. God, I welcome Your rebuke any whatever way You choose to send it to me — from Your Holy Word or the Holy Spirit a person. God, help me receive it in love as it is being given in love. I love You Jesus. In Jesus’ name, Amen!”

I love you, Pastor Kelly

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