Daily Devotional For Thursday, February 22, 2024

The Book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the tongue — it is the one “animal” we all have trouble taming. Look at Proverbs 28:23, “Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor
than he who flatters with his tongue” (ESV). Flattery — the dictionary describes this as one, the attempt to express admiration, pats on the back and praise. Second, as an attempt to butterup, cozy up, and even insulting. Ever been given a “back-handed” compliment? What do you think of these quotes?:

• “To be most effective, flattery is always best applied with a trowel” (Alan Bradley, The Weed That Strings the Hangman’s Bag).
• Norman Vincent Peale writing in a chapter about flattery, wrote this: “The trouble with most of us is that we'd rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”
• “People generally despise what they flatter” (Aristotle).
• “The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned” (Dale Carnegie).
• “Flattery is like painted armor; only for show” (Socrates).
• Flattery is a counterfeit money which, but for vanity, would have no circulation” (Francois de La Rochefoucauld).

What do you think? Chuck Swindoll writes this:

“What is flattery? Nothing more than insincere compliments spoken with deceitful motives. It is excessive praise verbalized in hopes of gaining favor in the eyes of another. The difference between affirmation and flattery is motive. If we hope to say something to another that will ultimately benefit ourselves, it is flattery. If we speak for the ultimate benefit of the hearer, we either affirm or rebuke, whichever the situation demands” (Charles R. Swindoll, Living the Proverbs: Insights for the Daily Grind, Kindle Edition (pp. 85-86). 

Many of you recognize the name of Mike Krzyewski, Mike Krzyewski. He served as the head coach at Duke University from 1980 to 2022, during which he led the Blue Devils to five national titles, 13 Final Fours, 15 ACC tournament championships, and 13 ACC regular season titles. He is basketball's all-time winningest coach. Most people know him as just "Coach K." But he's not just a coach; he's also a genius at creating teamwork. Here's one of his keys to success: 

“In our program, the truth is the basis of all that we do. There is nothing more important than the truth because there's nothing more powerful than the truth. Consequently, on our team, we always tell one another the truth. We must be honest with one another. There is no other way. Flattery is never tolerated, only the truth” (see Adapted from Diedra Riggs, "We're All in This Together: Teamwork and Unity," The High Calling (9-27-15).

In the movie, A Few Good Men, Col. Nathan R. Jessep, portrayed by Jack Nicholson, while on the stand in a court marital, being questioned by Lt. Daniel Kaffee, portrayed by Tom Cruise, answers a question about truth this way: “You can’t handle the truth.” What do you think? Do you think most people can handle the unadulterated honest truth OR do you think they prefer some kind of flattery or watered-down truth?

Jesus said, “the truth will set you free” but I have learned that “the truth can hurt, insult and overwhelm you also.” In Matthew 5:37, Jesus said, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil” (ESV). The English word translated as “say” is the Greek New Testament word [λόγος, logos]. John MacArthur writes this:

The basic meaning of the word “say” is simply “word.” Every normal word in the course of daily speech should be a truthful word, unadorned and unqualified in regard to its truthfulness. A person’s words, message, or speech (as logos is used in Acts 20:7; 1 Cor. 2:1; 4:19; and Titus 2:8) should be as good as his bond and as good as his oath or vow. This is the same point in James 5:12, “But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation” (ESV) (i.e., John MacArthur, The MacArthur New Testament Commentary, “Matthew 1-7, p. 326).

Flattery is a form of pretense to some and in certain circles is not only practiced, but encouraged. Take this for example:

“During his training to become a hospital chaplain, a friend of mine (i.e., A.J. Swoboda, Portland, Oregon) was surprised to learn of a phenomenon in the medical community widely known as "Mutual Pretense." In many cases, mutual pretense is something that takes place after the period of treatment for a particular patient has run its course and it's become clear to everyone that it's not working and the patient will die. Despite the fact that this the dark reality is clearly known by all parties involved, the doctor, patient, and family of the patient will often deal with the fact by talking about anything other than the fact that the patient is going to die. 

They'll talk about what will happen once they get out of the hospital, what they are going to do when everything gets better, about sports, about family—anything but the truth of the impending death. Mutual pretense is a kind of survival mechanism that allows everyone to continue talking to each other while not having to actually talk about what's going on—like the brute reality of an impending death” (See this link: https://www.preachingtoday.com/illustrations/2014/june/5060214.html.).

Consider the following Bible verses, one traditional and one contemporary, about flattery:

• Proverbs 29:5-6, “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet. (6) An evil man is ensnared in his transgression, but a righteous man sings and rejoices” (ESV).
• Proverbs 29:5-6, “A flattering neighbor is up to no good; he’s probably planning to take advantage of you. (6) Evil people fall into their own traps; good people run the other way, glad to escape” (GNT).
• Proverbs 26:28, “A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin” (ESV).
• Proverbs 27:5-6, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. (6) Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (ESV).
• Proverbs 27:5-6, “Better to correct someone openly than to let him think you don't care for him at all. (6) Friends mean well, even when they hurt you. But when an enemy puts his arm around your shoulder—watch out!” (GNT).
• Matthew 5:37, Jesus said, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil” (ESV).
• Matthew 5:37, Jesus said, “And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong" (MSG).

Questions To Consider

• Now what do these verses say to you about flattery verses being truthful and why?
• Do you ever attempt or do you manipulate people with “flattery” rather than the truth? Why? What do you think God feels about this? Do you agree with Col Jessup? -- people can't handle the truth! Can you and do you? What is the proof with family and friends?
• Please read Jesus’ words here in Matthew 5:37, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil” (ESV). Why do you think Jesus put such a limit on an answer that simply requires a yes or a no?
• Would you say all your words and statements are truthful words, no exaggeration, no stretching the truth? Why or why not? What does this tell you about you and your obedience to God and His Word?
• Are you ever afraid to be totally truthful? Why or why not?
• Would your family and friends say you welcome an open rebuke than flattery or a watered down version of the truth?
• When and where have you see flattery ruin a relationship and when have you see the unadulterated truth, first appear as a wound, but later help?”

Scripture To Meditate On: Proverbs 26:28, “Liars hate their victims; flatterers sabotage trust” (GNT).

Prayer To Pray: “Dear Jesus, I sometimes fear being truthful. Instead, I will tell people what I think they want to hear, not what they need to hear. You tell me in Your Word in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love, but perfect (matured) love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love” (ESV). Lord, please help me not be a people pleaser, but a seizer of the truth — Your truth. I understand that sometimes it is not what you say, but how you say it. Give me wisdom on how to be tactful, but truthful. Honest, but helpful. Thank you Jesus. In Jesus’ name, Amen!”

I love you, Pastor Kelly!