Daily Devotional For Saturday, February 17, 2024

We live in an age where it seems everyone is talking and no one is listening. Ever try to talk to your spouse or child while they are on their phones? They are hearing you, but they are not listening to you, even if they give some kind of verbal sounds or nod their head. When we read the Book of Proverbs and for that matter, much of the Bible, I wonder if God ever thinks, “Well Gabriel, well Michael, they are reading it but they are not listening to it.” Active listening involves several things. Here is the link I found this: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-defensiveness-5115075.

1. First, active listening requires being fully present in the conversation. This enables you to concentrate on what is being said. Being present involves listening with all your senses (sight, sound, etc.) and giving your full attention to the speaker.
2. Second, active listening mean you pay attention to non-verbal clues. As much as 65% of a person's communication is unspoken. Paying attention to these nonverbal cues can tell you a lot about the person and what they are trying to say. If they talk fast, for instance, this could be a sign that they are nervous or anxious. If they talk slowly, they may be tired or trying to carefully choose their words. During active listening, your non-verbal behaviors are just as important. To show the person you're truly tuned in, use open, non-threatening body language. This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key junctures.
3. Third, active listening requires that you keep good eye contact. This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what they say. It also shows that you aren't distracted by anything else around you. At the same time, you don't want to use so much eye contact that the conversation feels weird. To keep this from happening, follow the 50/70 rule. This involves maintaining eye contact for 50% to 70% of the time spent listening, holding the contact for four to five seconds before briefly looking away.
4. Fourth, active listening involves asking open-ended questions. You cannot gain much information from “yes” or “no” questions. Asking open-ended questions to show that you are interested in the conversation and the other person. Examples of open-ended questions you may use when active listening include:  

• • Can you tell me a bit more about that? 
  • What did you think about that? 
  • What do you think is the best path moving forward? 
  • How do you think you could have responded differently?

5. Fifth, active listening means you eventually reflect back to what you think you heard. This listening technique ensures that you've captured their thoughts, ideas, and/or emotions accurately. It also helps the other person feel validated and understood while keeping any potential miscommunications to a minimum. You could say for example, “Based on what I have heard so far, I sense you are frustrated about this . . .”
6. Sixth, active listening requires that you be patient. This allows the other person to speak without interruption. It also gives them the time to say what they are thinking without having you try to finish their sentences for them. This also means that you do not try to fill period of silence with your own words, thoughts and stories. 
7. Seventh, active listening involves that you withhold judgement. This enables the other person to feel comfortable with sharing their thoughts. It makes the conversation a safe zone where they can trust that they won't be shamed, criticized, blamed, or otherwise negatively received.

These are very good suggestions. The question is: are we this way when listening to others and especially when listening to God’s Word? Look at Proverbs 1:24-25, “I called, but you refused to listen; I held out My hand, but you paid no attention. (25) You did not follow My advice and did not listen when I corrected you” (ESV). The Hebrew  word translated as “refused” or “neglect,” depending on your translation, is [וַתְּמָאֵ֑נוּ, temaenu] and it has the idea of “to ignore, to be indifferent to, to see no value in.” Does this describe you? Does it describe me?

No one, including God, likes to be ignored. Chuck Swindoll writes:

“The idea is that we keep God’s counsel from making any difference in our thoughts, words, or actions. An individual says, in effect, “I really just don’t care!” Believe it or not, an underdeveloped sense of one’s own worth can prompt this kind of response. Psychological studies conducted in the 1990s suggest a strong link between passive-aggressive anger and procrastination. When people fail to accomplish tasks that will benefit them, the problem can be traced back to self-loathing . . . Indifference can also suggest hostility toward God. Like children who fold their arms and intentionally refuse to follow their parents’ instructions, we fail to respond to God’s counsel. God, however, doesn’t suffer the consequences of our indifference. Tragically, we do” (Charles. R. Swindoll, Living The Proverbs: Insights For The Daily Grind, pp. 23-24).

And when we fail to listen to our spouse, or child, or boss or friend or whoever, we may get “called on the carpet for it.” And when that happens, most people do not apologize. They get defensive. God’s people do that with God’s Word also when it convicts them of a sin or a bad attitude, or wrong they should right and etc. Here are some of the ways most people get defensive. Here is the link for this: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-defensiveness-5115075.

1. They stop listening to the other person or God.
2. Make excuses about whatever you are being criticized about.
3. Blame the other person for what they are criticizing you about.
4. Accuse the other person of doing the same thing.
5. Try to justify your actions.
6. Bring up past things that the other person did wrong and avoid talking about the current issue.
7. Tell the other person that they should not feel the way that they do.

Ever been there? Or done that? So, when you read Scripture and God convicts you, are you defensive? Here is the proper response to reproof:

“Kevin Harney writes this: I had been serving in the church high school ministry for just over a year. I loved it! It had become my passion. Though I was still a senior in high school, I had been asked to be a campus leader and was doing some teaching under the mentorship of our youth pastor. I knew in my heart that this was training for a lifetime in ministry. I could feel the Holy Spirit working through me. I was having the time of my life.

One of the key leaders of the ministry called to see if I could meet with him. I was so excited. What new area of responsibility or challenge might I be facing? What affirmation might I hear for my passionate and faithful sacrifice of close to twenty hours of volunteer service each week?

We sat on the grass by the church administration offices. I looked at this godly leader whom I respected so much. He was high energy, articulate about his faith, a leader of leaders, and he had the biggest afro I had ever seen on a white guy. What wasn't there to respect? I was ready to receive Yoda-like insight from this great leader.

He looked me in the eye and said, "Kevin, you have a problem with pride. We are going to remove you from your ministry position so you can work on this weak point in your character."

I got fired! That's right, I got released from a volunteer job. It's bad enough to get fired from a real paying job, but this was just plain humiliating.

My appreciation for and awe of this man melted away instantly. I thought to myself (and I'll give you the PG-rated version), "Are you firing me? I'm a volunteer! Who are you to talk about my having a pride problem; you are one of the cockiest guys I have ever met! You can take your advice and this volunteer ministry position and…." Suffice it to say, I was angry.

My mind was reeling, but thankfully I had the restraint to keep my mouth shut. I listened. I pondered his words. Sure, I was outraged, but as I sat there in stunned silence, the truth sank in. Waves of emotion hit me: first was rage, then shock, then defensiveness, then a strange and peaceful calm.

He was right! (That’s the right reaction to reproof!).

As I looked at this bearer of bad news, his monstrous afro swaying in the breeze, I was certain he had a very similar pattern of pride in his life. But the Holy Spirit hit me over the head with a simple, painful, and deeply needed word. I had a problem, and it was making me ineffective in ministry. Pride was ruling my heart. God helped me look past the messenger and listen to the message” (Kevin Harney, Leadership from the Inside Out, pp. 75-76). 

Questions To Consider

1. When you are confronted by someone who loves you about something wrong in your life, do you get defensive? If so, why or why not?
2. When you read God’s Word and He points out something in your life that is wrong or sinful, do you get defensive? Why or why not?
3. When the Holy Spirit nudges your heart about a wrong or sin, do you make excuses for it or blame someone else for it or do any of the other reactions mentioned above? Why or why not?
4. Do you “refuse” to listen as Proverbs 1:24-25 describes?   
5. When you confront someone you love and they get defensive how do you feel? 
6. How do you think you would feel, if you corrected someone in the right biblical way, and their reaction was, “Thank you. Thank you. I am so thrilled you love me enough to point this out to me. This means you want my character to be more like Christ’s character. You are a God-send. Thank you. Will you pray with me about this?”
7. How do you think the person who corrected you in right biblical way would feel if your reaction was, “Thank you. Thank you. I am so thrilled you love me enough to point this out to me. This means you what my character to be more like Christ’s character. You are a God-send. Thank you. Will you pray with me about this?”

Scripture To Meditate On: Proverbs 15:32, “Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence” (ESV).

Prayer To Pray:  “Dear Jesus, I do not want to resist Your reproof, no matter how it comes. Help me not to be defensive, but intensive to such reproof. I never want to make light of sin in my life nor of Your loving reproofs. I commit to You today to be humble when a reproof comes. But if I get defensive instead, please immediately remind me of the promise I am making to You today. I love You. In Jesus’ name, Amen!”

I love you! Pastor Kelly