Daily Devotional For Friday, March 15, 2024

For the last few days we have been looking at some Proverbs that are in sync with some of the statements Jesus made about relationships. Today, we are going to look at this issue of forgiveness again. We looked at part 1 yesterday. Today is part 2. Let me remind you of Jesus’ words from yesterday in Matthew 6:14, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (ESV). We read this and possibly think, “Yeah, right Jesus, but you don’t know what that person said or did to me.” That is our typical response because we want justice and possible vengeance.

Jesus wants these disciples to understand that our relationship to God is directly determined by our relationship to others. Read again Matthew18:23-35 that you read yesterday about the necessity of forgiving others:

“For this reason the kingdom of heaven [v]may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. (24) When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him [w]ten thousand talents was brought to him. (25) But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. (26) So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ (27) And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. (28) But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ (29) So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ (30) But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. (31) So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. (32) Then summoning him, his lord *said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. (33) Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ (34) And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. (35) My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart” (NASB).

Those listening to Jesus knew understood the contrast Jesus was making:

“The ten thousand talent debt would take to carry it an army of about 8,600 carriers, each carrying a sack of sixpences 60 lbs. in weight; and they would form, at a distance of a yard apart, a line five miles long! The contrast between the debts is staggering. The point is that nothing men can do to us can in any way compare with what we have done to God; and if God has forgiven us the debt we owe to Him, we must forgive our fellow-men the debts they owe to us. This is the same amount Haman paid in Esther to kill all the Jews in Esther 4:7” (Source: The Daily Study Bible Series, “The Gospel of Matthew, Vol. 2 Chapters 11-28,”  pp. 194-195).

True forgiveness and kindness must be present before any confrontation. It is easy to confront a wrong done to you if you are hurt, but you usually do not go about it in the right way unless you have moved toward forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there will not be conflict resolution—only revenge. In this parable, the king is God and we are the servant who owes God a debt. 

“There is a balance of mercy and judgment reflected here: Jesus sees no incongruity in the actions of a heavenly Father who forgives so bountifully and punishes so ruthlessly, and neither should we. Indeed, it is precisely because he is a God of such compassion and mercy that He cannot possibly accept as His those devoid of compassion and mercy. Jesus is teaching that no true disciple of His could ever act as this servant did. 

Alternately, Jesus may be indicating that God makes forgiveness available for everyone, but only those who appropriate it by a life of forgiving others show that they have genuinely accepted His pardon. Similar teaching occurs in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 6:14–15, where Jesus said, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. (15) But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (NLT).

Later Jesus warns us about the dangers of thinking we are saved when we are actually still lost in Matthew 7:21-23, “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. (22) On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ (23) But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws’” (NLT). 

Frighteningly, many in Christian circles today seem in danger of this judgment because they refuse to forgive fellow believers, speak kindly to them, cooperate with them, or accept their apologies. Counselors often discover that a client’s unwillingness to forgive someone lies deep at the heart of all kinds of personal problems. Jesus declares that if people die without having resolved such problems, they may exclude themselves from eternal life with Him.” (Source: Craig L. Bloomberg, New American Commentary, “Matthew, Vol. 22, pp. 284-285).

There cannot be the slightest bit of bitterness or a desire to get someone back, or it will blow up in your face. Proverbs 24:29 says, “Don’t say, ‘I’ll do to him what he did to me; I’ll repay the man for what he has done.’”I have seen families in a church meet for conflict resolution, but each party merely wants their case to be heard and to win the day. It has driven families apart and out of the church. Resist a superiority complex where you look down on the person you confront as if you are not a sinner or could never have done what they did. Let go of your grudge before you talk.

Chuck Swindoll writes this: 

“Jesus refers to tormentors—a noun, not a verb. He is saying the one who refuses to forgive, the Christian who harbors grudges, bitter feelings toward another, will be turned over to torturous thoughts, feelings of misery, and agonizing unrest within.

And who hasn't endured such feelings? It is one of the horrible consequences of not forgiving those who offend us. It makes no difference who it is—one of your parents or in-laws, your pastor or former pastor, a close friend who turned against you, some teacher who was unfair, or a business partner who ripped you off . . . even your former partner in marriage. I meet many divorcees who have been "handed over to the torturers" for this very reason. Believe me; it is not worth the misery. 

We are to forgive as we have been forgiven! Release the poison of all that bitterness . . . let it gush out before God, and declare the sincere desire to be free. Don’t be tortured by un-forgiveness. Release the poison of all that bitterness before God, and be free. This is a marvelously expressive phrase to describe what happens to us when we do not forgive another. It is an accurate description of gnawing resentment and bitterness, the awful gall of hate or envy. It is a terrible feeling. 

We cannot get away from it. We feel strongly this separation from another and every time we think of them we feel within the acid of resentment and hate eating away at our peace and calmness. This is the torturing that our Lord says will take place” (Source: Charles R. Swindoll, Improving Your Serve, Kindle Edition, pp. 70-71).

If you dwell on what was done, turn it over in your mind often, and talk about it a lot with other people, then you are not going about it in the right way. Stop bringing it up! Proverbs 17:9 warns, “Whoever conceals an offense promotes love, but whoever gossips about it separates friends” (NASB). Be willing to let it go. Overcome evil with good, since judgment ultimately belongs to God, not you. 

Forgive as God in Christ has forgiven you. That is the point of Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (ESV). If all you do is harp about the offense, the hurt, and the harm, you will drive that person away losing the opportunity to reconcile and develop a deeper relationship. 1 Corinthians 13:5b says, “. . . love does not keep a record of wrongs” (GNT).

Look at Proverbs 10:12, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses” (ESV). If your confrontation is motivated by a desire to get someone back, it will not work. In fact, it will only make it worse. There are some things that you just need to let go. But if your desire is forgiveness and reconciliation, there is hope!

Look at:

• Isaiah 43:25, “I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins” (ESV).
• Hebrews 8:12, “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more” (ESV). Look at
• Jeremiah 31:34, “And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know Me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more” (ESV).

The passages above does not mean that over time God develops some kind of divine dementia or divine Alzheimers in terms of remembering our sins. He still remembers our sins. So, what is implied here. The Hebrew word translated as “forget” or “remember no more,” depending on your translation, are the Hebrew words [לֹא זָכַר, lo zakar]. It means “not to bring up again; not to throw into the face of.”

I love Amy Carmichael’s words:

“If I say, “Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget,” as though the God, who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world, could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of Calvary love” (Source: Amy Carmichael, If, p. 48).

Therefore, when you and I go before God and seek His forgiveness for any sin, maybe the same sin we have sinned hundreds of times, He never uses it as a weapon against us. He never throws it up into our face saying, “Well, Kelly, this is the 1,260^th time you have come to Me asking Me to forgive you for this same sin. Stop doing this sin or I will stop forgiving you for it.” NEVER! Why, “because love does not keep a record of wrong done even repeatedly.”

Also, the right way to confront someone is to do it with gentleness and love, or what Paul calls, “speaking the truth in love” (Eph 4:15). Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger” (NASB). The attitude, aptitude and tone we bring to the confrontation will determine the ultimate outcome. Do you have the self-control to give a reasoned response? 

Gentleness does not imply mealy mouthed or indirect—it can be a tough gentleness! The question is, Are your words motivated by love for that person or by a desire to put that person  in their place? Are you genuinely concerned for the person, and therefore you will confront her kindly? Or do you just want to prove them wrong? If it is truly done gently, the hearer can say in their heart, “I do not want to hear this, but I at least know this person loves me, and it kind of hurt him to have to say this to me.” That kind of attitude can help in persuading someone of his or her need to change. Slamming that person or being sarcastic will not help bring about change. After all, Proverbs 16:21 states, “The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness” (ESV).

Finally, speaking up in the right way means speaking directly. Do not beat around the bush. Do not try to use spin. Do not be passive aggressive. Proverbs 24:26 says, “Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips” (ESV). Being honest and straightforward is beneficial to the hearer. That said, let me give you a word of caution. Often those good at directness are bad at gentleness. And those who are good at gentleness can struggle with directness. We need both in our speaking

“A guy complained to his buddy that whenever he argued with his wife, she got historical. His friend said, "You mean hysterical." He said, "No, historical. She dredges up the past and reminds me of every time I've failed her in the past." We do that with our kids sometimes, don't we? Our kids do something wrong, and we remind them of the previous forty-three times that they did the same thing” (Source: Jim Nicodem, "The Father Heart of God," Preaching Today, Tape No. 152). 

We do that with our spouses, our siblings, our friends and church friends don’t we? Oh, we never bring it up to them, but we do in our mind — keeping score, keeping their record of error and sin up to date. When I was in college, it was called “collecting stamps.” Meaning, someone does or says something harmful or hurtful to you, and you gesture symbolically, as if you have a stamp in your hand, bring your thumb up near your mouth, stick out your tongue as to suggest you licked this invisible stamp and then you take your thumb and press into the opposite open hand as to suggest stamp collected in an invisible book. God does not keep a record of wrong when we confess our sin. We are not to keep a record of wrong either. Why? So that we emulate Jesus Christ’s on-going forgiveness to us.

So, let me ask you. Are you more like Christ or more like cats? Read below:

“An article on the website The Science of Us listed what they called "17 Things We Know About Forgiveness." Perhaps the most interesting scientific study on forgiveness noted who—or what—does not forgive. The article summarized the research this way:

Cats never forgive. Scientists have observed conciliatory behavior in many different animal species; the bulk of the research has been on primates like bonobos, mountain gorillas, and chimps, who often follow confrontations with friendly behavior like embracing or kissing. 

Scientists have observed similar behaviors in non-primates like goats and hyenas; the only species that has so far failed to show outward signs of reconciliation are domestic cats. In other words, when it comes to forgiving others, don't act like a cat!: (Source: The Science of Us, 17 Things We Know About Forgiveness, http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/03/17-things-we-know-about-forgiveness.html, (3-10-15).

Questions To Consider

1. In the Matthew 18:23-35, Jesus said that when the man who had been forgiven his debt, which he could never repay, he begged for mercy and was forgiven his entire debt by his king. He immediately went out and found someone who owed him a small debt, and when that person asked for forgiveness, he refused to give it. He had the person put in prison to be tortured until he could repay that debt. Jesus says, that is exactly what God does to us when we refuse to forgive. He hands us over to torturers. Who do you think the “torturers” are and why?
2. Read Jesus words again in both Matthew 6:14-15 and Matthew 7:21-23. Could this be you one day. Refusing to forgive someone and holding on to a grudge is indication that you might not be Christ’s. Is there anyone currently you are refusing to “forgive and forget” or holding to a grudge? If so, what should you do immediately?
3. Go back and reread Chuck Swindoll’s comments from his book Improving Your Serve. Has God ever turned you over to the “torturers” and did you repent by offering forgiveness? If not, then you might not be saved or still being tortured. Meaning — every time their name comes up or you see them, the memories of what they did torture you. Repent today. Repent now. Forgive them immediately. Will you do that? Why or why not?

Scripture To Meditate On: 1 Corinthians 13:5b, “. . . love does not keep a record of wrongs” (GNT).

Prayer to Pray: “Dear Jesus, I have to confess that at times I do keep score and hold a grudge. I am at times reluctant to forgive and forget. I do not want to rejected by You nor turned over to “torturers” for my refusal to forgive. Please help me to be like You in my character and heart — a forgiver and leave setting the score to You later. In Jesus’ name, I forgive _________________ and will seek reconciliation and restoration in obedience to Your Word with them. In Jesus’ name, Amen!”

I love you Southside — Pastor Kelly